I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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