I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
