If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
