I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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