If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
