I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
