I think I won the penis lottery.
People in love make me want to vomit
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
