he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
