Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
