You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
return my video game
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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