Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have aggressive nipples.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
