i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
