I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
