i used baking grease as lip gloss
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
