So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
wow bdsm is so cute
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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