I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
