wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
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About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
do nipples grow back?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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