New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need a beard to bite.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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