Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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