I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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