Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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