your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
