I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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