Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
