I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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