I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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