i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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