I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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