someone owes me an orgasm
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
