I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I will pee on everything he values.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize