the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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