i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
