im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
