i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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