the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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