Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
