So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Mom said you looked used
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
