Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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