At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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