$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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