I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
