walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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