i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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