What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
