WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
