If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
