Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
