Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
