Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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