Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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