i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just threw up on my dentist
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
