But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
