Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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