we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
