And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
