why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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