Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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