Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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