He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
