so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
