She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
