Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
