If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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