there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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