Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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