all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
