Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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