my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
