is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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