Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize