New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
