Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
