she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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