And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
